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5 Ways to Make Collateral Amends
Collateral damage: damage inflicted on an unintended target. My behavior during the worst of my alcoholism left a trail of destruction behind me. I believed that I was only hurting myself. Alcoholism, as with most substance use disorders, is a very narcissistic disease. I was just concerned with me and my next drink. I didn’t notice the bodies that were falling behind me.
Amends: compensate or make up for a wrongdoing. In most 12 step programs it is suggested that you make amends to those you have harmed. Amends can take on many forms. Sometimes you need to monetarily pay someone from whom you stole or “borrowed.” An apology is almost always necessary “except when to do so would injure them or others.” Or, maybe it is just being around more because your alcoholism caused you to isolate from those you love. In the end though, it is taking ownership of your actions.
I have tried and will continue to make direct amends to the people in my life. I know, however, that there were many times my alcoholism caused damage to unintended victims. Having a bad attitude with sales clerks comes to mind first. Sometimes I was just a shitty person because I needed a drink. I know that if I snapped at someone and they, in turn, snapped at someone and so on, I unintentionally caused several people to have a bad day. These days, I try to create a ripple effect of the opposite…