The In-between

(Photo courtesy of Unsplash)

When you come to the realization that your child is a drug addict, it completely knocks the wind out of you. You summon resolve and seek resources. You ask questions and find professionals to help. He came to you, asking for help, so you seek all the help you can find.

For us, help began with counseling. Twice a week for several months I took my son to an addiction counselor. No one suggested, at that time, a twelve step program. No one suggested rehab. This was 11 years ago. Each visit was $120 and our insurance did not cover mental health at that time. I didn’t care. Whatever it takes was my motto.

For 11 years he has been in and out of rehabs, voluntarily and court mandated. He has been in the rooms of NA. He has been in jail and on probation. Success comes in 4–6 month increments. During those increments, old pieces of my son emerge and, even though I know better, my heart fills with hope. Then, something will happen, a fight with the mother of his child, getting a job, or health issues because of his long term drug abuse, and he goes right back down the rabbit hole.

Each trip down now seems to be worse and worse. He is unrecognizable, both physically and his character. It is harder and harder for him to climb out.