What Does Sobriety Mean to Me?
This week I celebrated 2 years without a drink and I’m not going to lie, responses from the masses shocked the crap out of me. Support is awesome. It is also overwhelming and makes me feel a little exposed. Who would have thought announcing to the world that you are 2 years sober would garner over 1000 instagram likes? Not me, that’s for sure. I began this journey so embarrassed that I had this huge glaring flaw. I didn’t tell anyone I was getting sober. I was embarrassed that I needed to get sober.
This seems like a great time to reflect what the past two years have meant to me. To say that I am grateful is an understatement. If I had known it could be this good I would have started years ago on this journey. I’m not certain it works that way though. I think you have to go through what you go through in order to get where you are supposed to be.
1. Family. Bloody hell I love my family. I mean, I always have. But going through crap and finding them waiting on the other side is the biggest everything. My mom and dad, brothers and sister and cousins and nieces and nephews and of course, my husband and my children have become my biggest supporters. Cheering me on with every new day. Celebrating each milestone. I cannot express how much love I feel from my family. I have a cousin who keeps my sobriety date on her phone. Now, that, my friends, is love.
2. Program. Yes, I am in a 12 step program. Yes, I realize it is not for everyone. No, I don’t think we are a cult. I think it is like everything in life. It is what you make it. Some are better than others and mine is the best. I thought I would get in, get sober, get out. Who knew I would be starting a new way of life? Who knew this program was going to save my life? Well, I am sure some knew, but I surely didn’t. Committing to something new was the hardest part. I think it always is. Sometimes, you just gotta go all-in in order to win the biggest pot.
3. Depression. My issues are still there. I still have moments where anxiety is overwhelming and I feel like I can’t breathe. Instead of self medicating like I used to do (which really doesn’t work) I have learned new coping techniques that get me through the moments. I have learned to recognize when the depression is approaching and I take the proper steps to keep it away. My journey in sobriety has taught me these techniques. Simple but not easy. I think that’s the way life is supposed to be.
4. Future. I am 52 freaking years old and feel like I am just starting. Life is exciting. Grand babies are the best thing ever invented. Who knew? I love watching my children grow into these awesome adults. I mean, I read something about trying not to be the reason your kids have to go to therapy and I thought, man, for real. We try. I am grateful for what I have gone through because I feel like it has put me in a prime spot to help my children get through their tough times. I am now the pro at getting through the sucky parts of life. Maybe not unscathed, but I don’t have any visible wounds. I have these scars that brought wisdom and growth. I am grateful for the scars.
Sobriety for me isn’t about just not drinking. Sobriety has been about self awareness, letting go of the crap and growing along spiritual lines. (stole that last part) Maybe others have been able to do this without having to get hit in the head like I did. I’m glad for you. But for me, it was a necessary evil in order to come out bigger and better than I ever could have otherwise. I’m working on that. Every. Single. Day. 2 years. Small blip in the grand scheme of things. I have a long way to go. I’m off to a great start.